I’m still here. 3 weeks without a drink.
I am finding it fairly easy at the moment to stay away from alcohol, as I’m not really feeling any particular cravings for it. I am not missing the drink as much as missing the effect of taking me outside of everything for a short while.
I have noticed that without the drink my natural level of health can currently be described as one level above ‘zombie’. I am bone tired, my blood pressure must be through the roof, I’m horribly fat and plagued with on/off headaches. I know I’ve done it to myself and my diet this month has been pretty rubbish as I focus on keeping off the drink. Next month is phase 2: Diet. So hopefully that will help.
Mentally, the bouts of wanting to cry have decreased to be replaced with something that could be described as weary apathy. It’s either that or perhaps my mind is re-balancing a little. I’m still in a deep funk much of the time but at the weekend there seemed to be little shoots of happiness here and there. I’m holding on to those.
Now, I know this may sound strange but (for the most part) actual anxiety has been replaced with a feeling that I should be anxious about something. Like a dull, background thrum of a dishwasher. I wake up feeling like I should have that cotton wool feeling in my head and the knot in my stomach… so I kind of force it there and it results in this background noise. Weird.
If I say that Sunday I woke up at 7.30am and didn’t have a minute to myself until I went to bed at 11.00pm (how am I cleaning the bathroom at 10pm on a Sunday night? The wife doesn’t seem to find this as strange as I do) you can see that things at home are not reducing my stress levels that much…
Anyway, although I feel like crap (and I’m not having a great day today) things are slowly “getting better all the time”. Thanks for the earworm Shed Seven.
Tldr: Tired and depressed with the occasional, very brief moment of clarity and happiness.