The Sweats…

The Sweats…

Well I didn’t drink last night, even though the thought passed through my mind driving home again:

“Hey, you’re not actually doing much tonight, you could easily have a drink then stop tomorrow!”

“Shut up”

“Seriously, it’ll be fine. I know you’ve had a hard day,  you’re anxious about school tomorrow AND driving all night taking everyone on holiday. Getting there on time, packing the car. Have a drink, relax!”

“Maybe… maybe you’re right…”

“You know I’m right.”

“No, wait….. WHAT? You’re an idiot. If I drink I’ll be even more hungover and tired. How will I drive for 4 hours in the dark tomorrow like that? Also, you know I’m stopping. We’ve talked about it for days now. What is wrong with you?”

“True but….”

“SHUT UP!”

When people who don’t understand this affliction (my wife included) say ‘Just stop drinking’ I don’t think they grasp just how tiring this internal verbal battle is and how easy it is to just give up and drown it out with alcohol.  I find this the hardest thing about the first few days of sobriety, waiting for my brain to face up to the fact it is not having a drink.

That and the sweats. Feeling like my skin is on fire. Bed drenched with sweat and turning the pillow over when I wake up to try and hide it from my wife and kids. I think I’ll get a few more days of this before it subsides.

Tldr: Getting through the first few days is a massive mental and physical battle. Don’t underestimate how hard it will be. Do almost anything but drink to get through it. It gets better…

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