I am a pretty intelligent man. Well liked. Funny. Moderately successful in my chosen career of teaching. I have a wife, 3 boys and a nice house in a nice neighbourhood.
I drank a bottle of vodka last night. All 750ml of it.
I did pretty much the same the night before. Every night for the last 3 weeks since I last relapsed. Because I am a clever little alcoholic no one knows.
I have quit and relapsed before a few times over the last 8-9 years. Lots of peaks and troughs on my drinking graph over that time. Earlier this year I hit over 3 months of sobreity but here I am again.
My life again feels out of control. Anxiety and depression is holding me in that glass bubble again. I’m not at rock bottom, I’ve been there and know how it feels… but I know I need to arrest the slide.
This blog is about my fight against the ethanol dog. It’s a tool to confront and examine in writing some of the things that trigger the feeling to have another drink….